no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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