I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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