so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
