3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
how can u be prego again
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
