"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
