so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
