I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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