You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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