Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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