i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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