Is it because I queefed?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
