if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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