i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
