a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
