His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
