i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
