i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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