Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize