Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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