So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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