I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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