dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
