Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
