i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
