If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
