whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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