im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
