i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
