I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
