I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize