I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
