I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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