I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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