We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
FUCK WHALES
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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