I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
