I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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