He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
