this beer tastes like vomit already
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
