I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
