there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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