i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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