i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
