I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
