Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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