There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
