how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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