The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
