Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
