we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
