Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
