I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
