check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
