Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize