I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
