I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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