I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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