Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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