I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
