Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
