When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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