Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
