The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
