i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
