I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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