I'm lost and stupid without you.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
