So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
