Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
