He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize