u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
