mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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