just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Randomize
