Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize