i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He did a backflip because drugs
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
