she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
