So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
