why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
