Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
