Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry my hands just texted you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I lost the right to judge tonight
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
