FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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