I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
