A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
