My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
