I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Slut skills are useful in every country.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
