Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
