she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Randomize
