I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
