he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
