you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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