i was born a porn star she said
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You left your phone here
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