My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
