so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Randomize
