I cockslap morals
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
